The ____ Elite

"The eclair was like a Girl Talk remix of a Nas song. Innovative but I prefer the OG Classic. And..."

Fri, 26 Oct 2012 11:07:17 -0700

“The eclair was like a Girl Talk remix of a Nas song. Innovative but I prefer the OG Classic. And no cream filling. That’s like a porn with no cum shot at the end.”

- Yelp Reviewer on Craftsman & Wolves, San Francisco, CA

3 Useful, 4 Funny, 1 Cool

"Menu Readability: There is a fascia sign outdoors with some of the specials."

Sat, 18 Aug 2012 17:34:46 -0700

“Menu Readability: There is a fascia sign outdoors with some of the specials.”

- Yelp Reviewer on Ten Mile Aroma, Toronto, Ontario, Canada

14 Useful, 16 Funny, 12 Cool

"I really don’t like seafood or veggies much and tend to view it as “diet” or..."

Mon, 18 Jun 2012 09:49:00 -0700

“I really don’t like seafood or veggies much and tend to view it as “diet” or “health” food. There was only one small beef course. That having been said, I did enjoy 7 of the 9 courses.”

- Yelp Reviewer on The Restaurant at Meadowood, St. Helena, CA

0 Useful, 0 Funny, 0 Cool

"The drink I ended up getting was basically a spiked ginger beer. It was my own fault, but I forget..."

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 19:29:09 -0700

“The drink I ended up getting was basically a spiked ginger beer. It was my own fault, but I forget to tell her nothing with ginger in it. Luckily, my friend liked my drink so I gave it to her. She did not like her own drink (the USSR) and the waitress took it back and actually took it off our bill (2nd star). I ordered a beer instead, which was just ok, but again, citrus.”

- Yelp Reviewer on Local Edition, San Francisco, CA

1 Useful, 0 Funny, 0 Cool

"We ordered our food and drinks all at once, and as soon as they brought me my beer I was worried...."

Sun, 04 Dec 2011 15:12:26 -0800

“We ordered our food and drinks all at once, and as soon as they brought me my beer I was worried. The glasses are small. Yes the beer was only $4, but still, a pint would have been fair. What we got looked like a 12oz glass.”

- Yelp Reviewer on Nojo, San Francisco, CA

2 Useful, 1 Funny, 0 Cool

"this place is good for…NOTHING. all it’s good for is idiots, who can’t park their..."

Sun, 06 Nov 2011 19:37:44 -0800

“

this place is good for…NOTHING.
all it’s good for is idiots, who can’t park their cars properly and take up all the parking in the surrounding neighborhoods.

idiot-people standing in the street with their idiot children. (they should know not to dick around in the street. judah is a busy street.).

idiot-people double parking(in front of my house), illegal u turns and douchey-pedestrians.

”

- Yelp Reviewer on Outerlands, San Francisco, CA

0 Useful 0 Funny 0 Cool

"This is NOT a review of the restaurant, but I will revise this after I eat here. But..."

Tue, 06 Sep 2011 12:11:35 -0700

“

This is NOT a review of the restaurant, but I will revise this after I eat here.

But here’s my two cents, if you can get a entire restaurant up and running why can’t you get the website and menu also up simultaneously?

”

- Yelp Reviewer on Park Tavern, San Francisco, CA

0 Useful 0 Funny 0 Cool

"Can’t really remember what the food was like, but great selection of tequila. Would have..."

Wed, 31 Aug 2011 18:43:12 -0700

“Can’t really remember what the food was like, but great selection of tequila. Would have given 4 stars, but when I went to get another round of shots from the bar my BRAND NEW iPhone was stolen off the table. Total bummer.”

- Yelp Reviewer on Cava 22, San Francisco, CA

0 Useful 2 Funny 0 Cool

"Would love to try The Melt, but I can’t do cheese. How about a GC featuring Daiya? Or homemade..."

Tue, 30 Aug 2011 14:46:54 -0700

“Would love to try The Melt, but I can’t do cheese. How about a GC featuring Daiya? Or homemade cashew cheese? Or another incredibly tasty, non-dairy option? That would be awesome!”

- Yelp Reviewer on The Melt, San Francisco, CA

0 Useful 0 Funny 0 Cool

"Best pizza crust I’ve ever had. 5 star crust. Reason for lowering it to 3 stars is: 1) No..."

Mon, 29 Aug 2011 12:23:00 -0700

“

Best pizza crust I’ve ever had. 5 star crust.

Reason for lowering it to 3 stars is:
1) No meat on any of the pizza’s he makes.
2) No chili pepper flakes.
3) Nothing but 5 pizza’s, beer, & wine.

I just feel like I needed something more. If I’m going to spend 50% more for a margherita pizza, I want to enjoy the overall experience.

”

- Yelp Reviewer on Una Pizza Napoletana, San Francisco, CA

0 Useful 0 Funny 0 Cool

"The good news is that I finally tried their mint hot chocolate. The bad news is that not only do..."

Wed, 18 May 2011 09:46:06 -0700

“

The good news is that I finally tried their mint hot chocolate.

The bad news is that not only do they not have a vegan alternative, the staff copped an attitude cause I asked if there was one. “We have WATER, would that serve your purpose?”

Actually a one star place but the extra star is because it did taste good. (No, I had the milk version, did I really had a choice?)

”

- Yelp Reviewer on CocoaBella Chocolates, San Francisco, CA

2 Useful 0 Funny 0 Cool

"“The Big Cheese? I’m sorry, but this place should really be called “Fries and..."

Mon, 16 May 2011 09:27:06 -0700

“

“The Big Cheese? I’m sorry, but this place should really be called “Fries and Gravy”.

There were hardly any curds. I’d give it 4 stars if the big cheese served big cheese, but they don’t. I heart poutine. I hope they pick
up the slack. That is all.

EDIT: You can order extra curds for $1.25. You need to add curdsx 3 to make it reasonable. Makes a small poutine about ~$11. You decide.”

”

- Yelp Reviewer on The Big Cheese, Calgary, CA

0 Useful 1 Funny 0 Cool

[via Phil, who notes that it is “terribly stereotypical of our love for poutine”]

"When you really whoop someone in tennis (6-0 in a regular set, or 8-0 in a pro set) you say “I..."

Wed, 11 May 2011 09:20:06 -0700

“When you really whoop someone in tennis (6-0 in a regular set, or 8-0 in a pro set) you say “I bageled him!” and everyone gets it. It is a thing of beauty. The bagel is like a doughnut, yet the phrase is not “I doughnuted him” (which would have other unfortunate innuendo and undercurrents attached to it.) The bagel is like a doughnut but more awesome - something Peter Griffin appreciated when he decided to microwave one.”

- Yelp Reviewer on The Hot Bagel Shop, Houston, TX

1 Useful 1 Funny 1 Cool

[submitted by Renee]

"vobbly tables, checkered tablecloths, bikes on zhe vall und a staircase zhat could kill you- I..."

Tue, 10 May 2011 09:20:06 -0700

“vobbly tables, checkered tablecloths, bikes on zhe vall und a staircase zhat could kill you- I absolutely love zhis place!
I vent on a friday evening und zhis vonderful little place vas busy, busy, busy, vith only two staff und a bar full of people soaking up zhe beer in zhe veird shaped beer bottles, it could have been a recipe for disaster, but somehow zhey managed to make you feel at home. Almost as if you had crashed someone’s house party und zhen realised zhat you actually did know zhe people haveing zhe party, so in actual fact you vere not crashing at all!
Zhey even told me I could bring in some pizza or various other food if I vished to, und eat it on one of zheir beautiful yet unpredictable tables! I nearly did before realising I had some pringles in my bag.
(always carry pringles darlings. You never know vhen you vill need to pop.)
Zhe drinks vere delicious (I even got two limes in my gin und tonic darlings- vithout even asking. as extra star right zhere.)
Zhe people vere friendly und gorgeous, und despite zhe fact zhere vas only one toilet for zhe whole bar, it vas always very vell stocked vith toilet paper.”

- Yelp Reviewer ScooterCaffe [aka Vespa] in London, UK

2 Useful 1 Funny 0 Cool

Canada

Mon, 09 May 2011 18:42:00 -0700

So we went ahead and tried to find some wacky reviews from Canada [Vancouver specifically], and found something rather disappointing instead. All of the reviews we read were completely reasonable. Some were a bit irate, some slightly overdone, but nothing totally out there. If any of you out there are Canadian [or even if you’re not], please help us find zany reviews from your countrymen and women!

"6:20 AM flight on a Saturday: booooo 9:00 AM pick up by my friend Christina: yaaaaay! Traffic jam:..."

Sat, 07 May 2011 09:21:06 -0700

“

6:20 AM flight on a Saturday: booooo

9:00 AM pick up by my friend Christina: yaaaaay!

Traffic jam: boooo

Steubens: yay!

Patio: brrrrr

Outdoor heater: word!

Michilata: oooohhhh

Chile rellenos for brunch: ahhhhh

Service: woot!

Atmosphere: chill!

Fan? Toats!

”

- Yelp Reviewer on Steuben’s Food Service, Denver, Colorado

1 Useful, 6 Funny, 2 cool

"As great of a place 15 Romolo was (service, food, sangrias) I have to admit the bathroom was kind of..."

Fri, 06 May 2011 15:40:06 -0700

“As great of a place 15 Romolo was (service, food, sangrias) I have to admit the bathroom was kind of disappointing. Like in a lot of my reviews, I mention that I am a little OCD and a neat freak, and tend to judge a place by the bathrooms. 15 Romolo’s WASNT dirty in that there was toilet paper all over the ground and unkept, but it didn’t have a “clean” VIBE. It was dimly lit like the restaurant and the bathroom decor was along the lines of rustic cottage? Then again… i tend to hold a special place in my heart for Nordstrom bathrooms. So if the point was to make the bathrooms fit that “rustic/antique” interior decor theme, my apologies.”

- Yelp Reviewer on 15 Romolo, San Francisco, CA

0 Useful 0 Funny 1 Cool

"I think it is absolutely terrific that extremely wealthy people can have a restaurant to call their..."

Fri, 06 May 2011 05:52:32 -0700

“I think it is absolutely terrific that extremely wealthy people can have a restaurant to call their very own, where we don’t have to be near working-class - or even middle-class - folks.”

- ____ Reviewer on The Kitchen, Sacramento, CA

4 Useful, 22 Funny, 4 Cool

"To their credit, they are the first coffee shop in the city that I saw really emphasizing their..."

Thu, 05 May 2011 17:30:05 -0700

“To their credit, they are the first coffee shop in the city that I saw really emphasizing their “pour over” single-serve hot coffee. Since I am a cheapskate, I have never actually tried it though because it is more expensive than the drip coffee. If I am spending money on coffee, then I am probably going to get a cappuccino. Which is neither here nor there.”

- ____ Reviewer on Third Rail Coffee, Manhattan, NY [for Dave M.]

2 Useful, 1 Funny, 1 Cool

"Sorry people on Yelp, you are all wrong. How you have managed to make one of the top rated..."

Thu, 05 May 2011 12:00:05 -0700

“

Sorry people on Yelp, you are all wrong. How you have managed to make one of the top rated restaurants in Denver someplace that doesn’t serve a f*cking DROP of alcohol is beyond me. WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?

With my steaming hot, extremely spicy bowl of meat and broth I want a beer. Any normal person should want a beer in this situation too. HELL I just left the comfort and security of my nice apartment, drove all the way down Federal to sit here sweating my ass off with a small glass of water? No, I dont want a cucumber smoothie or a f*cking iced coffee. BEER.

”

- ____ Reviewer on Pho 95, Denver, CO

0 Useful 4 Funny 0 Cool

[Submitted by Pearl, who adds, “Yeah, what the hell?”]