6:20 AM flight on a Saturday: booooo
9:00 AM pick up by my friend Christina: yaaaaay!
Traffic jam: boooo
Outdoor heater: word!
Chile rellenos for brunch: ahhhhh
Yelp Reviewer on Steuben’s Food Service, Denver, Colorado
1 Useful, 6 Funny, 2 cool
Yelp Reviewer on 15 Romolo, San Francisco, CA
0 Useful 0 Funny 1 Cool
____ Reviewer on The Kitchen, Sacramento, CA
4 Useful, 22 Funny, 4 Cool
____ Reviewer on Third Rail Coffee, Manhattan, NY [for Dave M.]
2 Useful, 1 Funny, 1 Cool
Sorry people on Yelp, you are all wrong. How you have managed to make one of the top rated restaurants in Denver someplace that doesn’t serve a f*cking DROP of alcohol is beyond me. WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?
With my steaming hot, extremely spicy bowl of meat and broth I want a beer. Any normal person should want a beer in this situation too. HELL I just left the comfort and security of my nice apartment, drove all the way down Federal to sit here sweating my ass off with a small glass of water? No, I dont want a cucumber smoothie or a f*cking iced coffee. BEER.
____ Reviewer on Pho 95, Denver, CO
0 Useful 4 Funny 0 Cool
[Submitted by Pearl, who adds, “Yeah, what the hell?”]
Here’s but a tiny excerpt from her extremely loud, extremely prolific monologue to which every person on the patio was privy to against their will:
Screaming Uterus Lady: NO KIDDING, I feel about TEN LBS. LIGHTER after I had that UTERUS removed! IT’S SO FREEING! That UTERUS sure was cumbersome while it was around…
Seriously, lady, I don’t want to hear about your vagina while I’m unsuccessfully attempting to gnaw my way through the toughest duck I’ve ever eaten in my life.
____ Reviewer on Royal Thai Cuisine
1 Useful 4 Funny 3 Cool
[via Katie, sort of]
____ Reviewer on Bridget Foy’s, Philadelphia, PA [Submitted by Alexandra]
1 Useful, 1 Funny, 1 Cool
____ Reviewer on Gus’s Hotdogs, Watervliet, NY [Submitted by Josh]
6 Useful, 9 Funny, 2 Cool
____ Reviewer on Sushi Den, San Diego, CA [Submitted by Sean]
0 Useful, 1 Funny, 0 Cool
____ Reviewer on Alinea, Chicago, IL [Submitted by Joe]
13 Useful, 2 Funny, 3 Cool
____ Reviewer on Circa, the Marina, San Francisco
0 Useful, 0 Funny, 0 Cool
____ Reviewer on Farmicia, Philadelphia
[submitted by Cory]
6 Useful, 0 Funny, 0 Cool
So it was inevitable. Due to various and sundry complaints and threats of digital kneecapping, we have been compelled to change our name and whatnot. We’ll now be at theblankelite.tumblr.com. Our e-mail will be theblankelite AT gmail.com. New twitter will be @the____elite.
“Minus one star for switching names midstream, but my biffledom still really likes the grey color scheme.”
____ Reviewer on Bin No. 18, Miami, FL [Submitted by Antonella]
4 Useful, 8 Funny, 4 Cool
____ Reviewer on Bond 45, Midtown West, NYC
0 Useful, 2 Funny, 0 Cool