“The drink I ended up getting was basically a spiked ginger beer. It was my own fault, but I forget to tell her nothing with ginger in it. Luckily, my friend liked my drink so I gave it to her. She did not like her own drink (the USSR) and the waitress took it back and actually took it off our bill (2nd star). I ordered a beer instead, which was just ok, but again, citrus.”—
“We ordered our food and drinks all at once, and as soon as they brought me my beer I was worried. The glasses are small. Yes the beer was only $4, but still, a pint would have been fair. What we got looked like a 12oz glass.”—
“Can’t really remember what the food was like, but great selection of tequila. Would have given 4 stars, but when I went to get another round of shots from the bar my BRAND NEW iPhone was stolen off the table. Total bummer.”—
“When you really whoop someone in tennis (6-0 in a regular set, or 8-0 in a pro set) you say “I bageled him!” and everyone gets it. It is a thing of beauty. The bagel is like a doughnut, yet the phrase is not “I doughnuted him” (which would have other unfortunate innuendo and undercurrents attached to it.) The bagel is like a doughnut but more awesome - something Peter Griffin appreciated when he decided to microwave one.”—
“vobbly tables, checkered tablecloths, bikes on zhe vall und a staircase zhat could kill you- I absolutely love zhis place!
I vent on a friday evening und zhis vonderful little place vas busy, busy, busy, vith only two staff und a bar full of people soaking up zhe beer in zhe veird shaped beer bottles, it could have been a recipe for disaster, but somehow zhey managed to make you feel at home. Almost as if you had crashed someone’s house party und zhen realised zhat you actually did know zhe people haveing zhe party, so in actual fact you vere not crashing at all!
Zhey even told me I could bring in some pizza or various other food if I vished to, und eat it on one of zheir beautiful yet unpredictable tables! I nearly did before realising I had some pringles in my bag.
(always carry pringles darlings. You never know vhen you vill need to pop.)
Zhe drinks vere delicious (I even got two limes in my gin und tonic darlings- vithout even asking. as extra star right zhere.)
Zhe people vere friendly und gorgeous, und despite zhe fact zhere vas only one toilet for zhe whole bar, it vas always very vell stocked vith toilet paper.”—
Yelp Reviewer ScooterCaffe [aka Vespa] in London, UK
So we went ahead and tried to find some wacky reviews from Canada [Vancouver specifically], and found something rather disappointing instead. All of the reviews we read were completely reasonable. Some were a bit irate, some slightly overdone, but nothing totally out there. If any of you out there are Canadian [or even if you’re not], please help us find zany reviews from your countrymen and women!
“As great of a place 15 Romolo was (service, food, sangrias) I have to admit the bathroom was kind of disappointing. Like in a lot of my reviews, I mention that I am a little OCD and a neat freak, and tend to judge a place by the bathrooms. 15 Romolo’s WASNT dirty in that there was toilet paper all over the ground and unkept, but it didn’t have a “clean” VIBE. It was dimly lit like the restaurant and the bathroom decor was along the lines of rustic cottage? Then again… i tend to hold a special place in my heart for Nordstrom bathrooms. So if the point was to make the bathrooms fit that “rustic/antique” interior decor theme, my apologies.”—
“To their credit, they are the first coffee shop in the city that I saw really emphasizing their “pour over” single-serve hot coffee. Since I am a cheapskate, I have never actually tried it though because it is more expensive than the drip coffee. If I am spending money on coffee, then I am probably going to get a cappuccino. Which is neither here nor there.”—
____ Reviewer on Third Rail Coffee, Manhattan, NY [for Dave M.]
Sorry people on Yelp, you are all wrong. How you have managed to make one of the top rated restaurants in Denver someplace that doesn’t serve a f*cking DROP of alcohol is beyond me. WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?
With my steaming hot, extremely spicy bowl of meat and broth I want a beer. Any normal person should want a beer in this situation too. HELL I just left the comfort and security of my nice apartment, drove all the way down Federal to sit here sweating my ass off with a small glass of water? No, I dont want a cucumber smoothie or a f*cking iced coffee. BEER.
____ Reviewer on Pho 95, Denver, CO
0 Useful 4 Funny 0 Cool
[Submitted by Pearl, who adds, “Yeah, what the hell?”]
“Minus one star for the fact that we have always had to wait for a table here, but it’s never more than a few minutes. The place is small so I’ll give them that. Minus another star because I don’t think their menu is quite extensive enough. Again, since the place is smaller, they might have the mindset that they have mastered their current offerings and aren’t offering everything but the kitchen sink, which I can respect.”—
____ Reviewer on Bridget Foy’s, Philadelphia, PA [Submitted by Alexandra]
“The most striking thing was the horizontal lard and fat stalactites adhering to the exhaust fan. My clothes had to be washed that night to get rid of the diner’s odor. Hot dogs were pretty good, though.”—
____ Reviewer on Gus’s Hotdogs, Watervliet, NY [Submitted by Josh]
“I really don’t go to this place very much, but I live next door so I walk by it all the time. It’s quite a cute mom and pop place, in this sense, but I don’t like sushi so I can’t relate. I also once tried the chai latte and I really only drank about a quarter of it because it wasn’t good at all.”—
____ Reviewer on Sushi Den, San Diego, CA [Submitted by Sean]
“I don’t really have much to say about Circa. Not because it’s been a long time since I was here, or even because I was shit-hammered drunk. No my friends, the issue at hand is that the bartender’s boobs were staring at my the whole time I was there, and it made in all but impossible to focus on the bar around me.”—
“Service: in 3 words indifferent, spooky, confusing. We were seated and ignored for about 15 minutes, before the busser took our drink and dinner orders at our request. Our waitress then returned with an icy vengeance, creating awkwardness whenever she entered our table air space.”—
So it was inevitable. Due to various and sundry complaints and threats of digital kneecapping, we have been compelled to change our name and whatnot. We’ll now be at theblankelite.tumblr.com. Our e-mail will be theblankelite AT gmail.com. New twitter will be @the____elite.
"Minus one star for switching names midstream, but my biffledom still really likes the grey color scheme."
“The first time I had the bruschetta was my second time there and the only reason I had it was because the waiter pronounced it properly. It’s broo-ske-ta. It’s not broo-she-da, or broo-che-da, or bro-what’s-up.”—
____ Reviewer on Bin No. 18, Miami, FL [Submitted by Antonella]
“I can’t remember exactly what I ate, since I didn’t do the ordering and plus I wanted to write more about this place and then I totally forgot about finishing my review.
Sorry…[____] is too hard to keep up with.”—
“I’ll admit my palate is not much better than that of an 8 year old’s, but when a restaurant doesn’t even have ONE thing that the unsophisticated can get (they had grilled chicken, but bone in, skin on, and over some way weird onion like things that had lots of juice around them), it’s just very frustrating.”—
____ Reviewer on Osteria, Philadelphia, PA [Submitted by Elizabeth]
“I was happy they accommodated my order of making the cod without encrusting it in chorizo and to cook it in very little oil. Overall the meal was a little bland but that could be my fault for ordering on the healthier side.”—
____ Reviewer on 9 Restaurant, Hell’s Kitchen, NYC [Submitted by Leah]
“I don’t want to be such a snob here, but I have been to all kinds of famous restaurants in the world, including French Laundry in Napa, Motto in Chicago and Spoon in Paris. Foodies would know what that means. None of them had no picture policy. Motto is extremely extremely famous place, especially for it’s creative presentation. I took pictures of each dish in front of waiter. Some of them were too creative that I had to film.”—
“Mediocre food offends me. Aside from restaurants I’ve been to before, the only other person I’d trust to recommend a restaurant is my biffledom, whose taste buds are adequately critical but without the pretentious fluff. She did not recommend Bourgeois Pig.”—
“The spring rolls were PHObulous! We each ordered Pho the way we wanted, and was pleased with the quality of the PHOod. The veggies served were PHOresh and the service was decent (it’s always popular and busy there). I PHOrgot the waiter and waitreses’ names, but they were accommodating and you can tell that they take pride in their business.”—
____ Reviewer on Golden Flower Vietnamese, Reno, NV
“I decided it would be best to ask our much nicer server, travis, what was up with the photo policy. he said it was a rule they had since opening:: no photography. something about someone trying to replicate recipes. really? i’m asian. i take pictures of food. it’s kind of what we do.”—
____ Reviewer on Cork Wine Bar, Logan Circle, Washington DC [Submitted by Candace]
“If you like sedated people around you exhaling partially processed terrible alcohol smell from every possible direction while you can’t really move or stay in position without being hit by someone who is just loosing control over their basic motoric system, then this place is for you.”—
____ Reviewer on Bloodhound, SOMA, SF [Submitted by Cindy]
“The bowl of chips that they toss at you is akin to jamming your hand into a vat of broken glass. The shards of fried corn at the thickness they are served could be mistaken for discarded surgical equipment.”—
____ Reviewer on Poquitos, Capitol Hill, Seattle [Submitted by Stefanie]